A Woman's Guide to Adult Online Dating - Podcast available

If you would prefer to listen to the podcast click on the image:

 

 

These are the essential elements of dating on an adult dating site.

 

1. Use a clear, up-to-date picture of yourself – not one that is years old.

2. Keep your bullshit radar finely tuned. If they start asking about your financial circumstances such as do you own a house, how much do you earn – dump straight away. If they are sugary sweet very early in the piece and full of compliments  – RUN, don’t walk. Block. Delete. Ignore them.

3. Write a profile that will deter the wrong people and attract the right ones. You can achieve this by making it into a short, humorous essay. Trust me, it will work. Make certain you use each and every character limit.  Here is my dating profile as an example.

"I have been enjoying singledom for nearly a year. I have thought about what it is I want to find here on AMM. Until recently I would have not put love on my radar, however I realise it is not love that I don't want or need it's 'domesticity' that I am not ready for. So, here I am, not necessarily focussed on finding love but leaving my heart and mind open to the possibility. I figure while this is a 'sex site' I am in the right place to meet a right-minded person who will match my openness and willingness to explore the depths of intimacy & spirituality that are the core of a relationship.

So to categorise my needs – my heart and mind need a man who is intelligent, emotionally mature, committed to personal growth, self-aware, kind, possesses a spirit of community, meaning that to help others is a gift in itself, someone who will admire my intelligence including my moments of stupidity.

Sexually…I still need the same elements – someone committed to growth of our sexual spirit. So…until that person comes along I need a lover. I am certainly looking for deeper relationships than just shagging...so if you're looking for a one nighter, forget it...do not even bother contacting me, but if you too are looking for a regular lover then please keep reading. I do have to like someone to want to have sex with them....and if social and sexual friendships develop along the way then that is fine.

 I need a sexual partner where there is a mutual admiration, and attraction, of our intellect, wit and ability to express our sensuality and I need a man prepared to put some emotion, at least, into our romps....to kiss me passionately, to play with my body as if I'm the last woman on earth...someone that can snuggle up during the after glow of really good sex until we recover and start all over again.

 I don't need an agony aunt and I'm not here to be yours, but in saying that I appreciate humanity and sometimes people need to offload and if the universe has placed me there at that point in time of your need I will listen with care and attention. I need a lover who is available for company every now and then - fishing, movies, coffee, live music, naked in bed on rainy days. I believe in universal love, respect and honour - it is how I treat others and how I expect to be treated. I'm definitely over shallow, genital sex. Has to be more than that....wicked laughter, shared naughtiness, shared passion, common interests and a brain that sparks...that is my recipe for fireworks.

I want a lover that I can trust. Truly great sex starts with trust and if I feel safe and comfortable with you then the orgasms flow and I can reach that deep, guttural pleasure which is truly satisfying. Trust me, if I'm having great sex with you, you'll be having great sex with me too.

Emotional and social intelligence.*Communication skills - verbal and written...particularly the art of seduction. **Expression, confidence and sensuality** - a heady, luscious mix indeed. Are you in touch with your feelings? Are you self-aware? So...if all that sits well with your way of thinking then please continue. 

Ideal partner

If you've read this far you deserve a six pack and a cut lunch. 

I have lived a very conservative sex life...even bouts of celibacy for up to three years...So I'm making up for lost time. I am looking for a play partner who is available regularly. Before your cock goes 'boing' and stands to attention please think long and hard about these criteria: 

Let's be blunt. You must be tall and know how to use your cock....I don't care if you're bald or have hair down to your arse, meet these two criteria with smiling eyes and we're on our way. 

Physique: Well, hey, I've got plenty of padding I don't mind if you do too, but if your beer gut looks like you're about to give birth to a 10 year old kid, then maybe not....sorry, just being honest....just like I appreciate that my figure is not to every guy's taste. Guys who are really skinny/lanky....I'm sorry, I think I'd snap you in half with the power of my thighs, I much prefer my guys to be well built...don't have to be chiselled muscle-man either....but hey, just as you would love a Penthouse barbie I'm not gonna say no if you were a chiselled muscle-man with Fabio hair. lol 

Younger than my age bracket: sorry, the thought of younger men...gee...I know this is age-ist but hey, I don't wanna be your 'bragging' topic at your next piss up....mind you, if you see me looking at your profile it means that I'm thinking about it...a mature approach to life and sex will get my attention, as will honest eyes and a good smile (so much more appealing than a dick shot). 

Men inside my age bracket: I still don't want to be your 'brag' at your next piss up either, but hey, I guess when you're older you need to brag a bit to make yourself feel good (lol). I' I want a lover that is well centred, is self-aware and maybe comfortable for me to do a little bit of exploration with a strap-on...or maybe a prostate massage?? I can assure you that I'm no Nurse Ratched - I will be gentle! lol 

Men outside my age bracket: Sorry, I can't help but think that you might enter this arrangement in the hope that my heart is up for grabs...because you would just be totally in awe of my beautiful smile and sexual radiance ....you might think "My god, where have you been my whole life?" 

So...if you're a guy who is educated, knows the Queen's English (as in: can spell, is articulate and expressive), isn't a total metro-sexual, is clean, drug free, non-judgemental, isn't mental, preferably non-smoker, but I don't mind if you're smoking hot....AND who is quite willing to learn how to lick my pussy the way I like it...because trust me, what you see in porno movies doesn't work for everyone! Then please apply within. 

Men who are trustful, authentic in their approach, expressive and understand and know their own sensuality then you will get to play with this goddess in all her glory. 

Lastly, discretion demanded and assured. 

So, think hard with both sides of your brain (not just your cock) before you message/wink me....be certain that I will be screening quite heavily for my own peace of mind. I have a delete and a block button and I ain't afraid to use them. 

PS It pains me to be saying this but after two years on this site I am over reading superfluous claims of those people (men and women) who appear to be well balanced and intellectually capable of conversation but seemingly void of manners. 

If I have messaged/winked you it is because I would much rather deal with rejection than deal with the regret of never knowing. Rejection is but a fleeting moment whereas regret is forever. So if I've got the guts to deal with rejection please have the guts to reply. Be sure that if you message/wink me I will always give you the courtesy of a reply. And that's all I have to say about that.

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So there you go.  Pretty bloody epic, isn’t it?!  Don’t be scared to show your spirit, spunk and sense of humour.  A good profile, one that is written from the heart and not the crotch, demonstrates you are fun, interesting, sexy and potentially – good to be with. Trust me, it works. My profile weeded out the guys who did not have the right heart, motivation and intelligence. I met great people as a result of that profile and ticked off items on my bucket list. I have the best deathbed memories as a result.

My last advice – when you go on the date, don’t be a whinger.  Whingeing ain’t sexy.

If you have not dealt with the emotions of relationships past then do yourself a favour and get yourself sorted before you foray into your next adventure.  Start with a clean slate for yourself. Likewise, don’t fall into the trap of being with someone who hasn’t sorted out their past relationship baggage either.

Remember….all relationships thrive when people make an effort to make an effort.